So like, I haven't updated this journal in forever, one probably key part being that I am NEVER on DA anymore. Why? I actually HATE to draw. I despise it. I like to color though *pulls out Crayola colored pencils and colors PRE-DRAWN pictures* Anyway...

I have been thinking about my life lately, and I realize something that I never did before. I mean, I suppose I did realize it before, but now I am really TRULY realizing it. Tiffany is my bestest best friend. And I wish she was on DA to read this. She is, has been, and probably will always been my first and foremost person. She IS my sister. Her parents are like my parents. I loves her. She has ALWAYS been there for me, and I WISH I could be there for her more. I have tried, and I am glad she still thinks of me as her best friend. I have had people come right up and be as close to me as she is, but never surpass her.

Then again, when you have been friends with someone for 11 years, you kind of can't expect anyone else to get closer. And on the contrary to some people's beliefs, she is the first BEST friend I ever had besides some girl named Melany. Hell, she was really THE FIRST FRIEND I ever had. It wasn't a family member, it wasn't someone in Linwood, it was Tiffany. We were inseperable. The only time I was with her was when she got taken away by the NH state services. Those asses don't know happy from dead. I know it is rude to bring her up on a site that she doesn't have an account on, and that no one knows who she is. But I can't help it.

I hung out with her at the lake the other day. And although some things about her have changed, she is my Tiffany. She is my darling friend that I charish, and like a sister, I could never ignore. Unbeknowst to her, I have looked into private detectives for later in life if one is needed to find her. I am determined. I will NOT forget her, and I hope she will NEVER forget me. I am so lucky to have her as a friend, she is caring, smart, sweet, imaginative, funny, weird, and hyper. We fit together wonderfully. She is like.....the more shy version of Tori almost *giggles* Tori is another story though, and I love her too. I am sure she will soon come to be a sister too, but that might take a little more time. I have only known her for 3 years, so all I can say is that in a few years she will be a sister ^_^

Back to Tiffany. I thought I was angry at her for a long time, but I realize I was only angry at myself. Angry at myself for not being there for her as much as she might have wanted me to be. That is the way Tiffany is. She may want help, but she never bitches, complains, or asks for anything. When I am around her, I can usually tell. But it is hard when I can only talk to her over the phone, or on the computer, or sometimes only in letters. But I have finally forgiven myself for everything. And now, when I look at her or hang out with her, I am completely happy and at peace. She does that. She has always been able to take me away from it all, to make me forget all my troubles. We would always create our own little fantasies and play for hours and hours on end. No arguing, no yelling, no anything. I miss having fun with her like that. But I guess people need to grow up some time in their life

Sorry for rambling, I just felt the need to yell it out online how much Tiffany means to me. I know John is in her life now, and I am not AS important, but she has made it clear to me, just like I hope I have made it clear to her that we are still both a crucial part in each other's lives. I don't know what I would have done without her. She has been there for me when no one else had. She was there when other's had best friend's and forgot about me. I could really say I owe her my life. She showed me SOOOO many different things and ways to live.

I am lucky to have her, and I hope that everyone in their life at some points find their own Tiffany.



Ja~